Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Randomize