i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Randomize
