6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
