yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
