planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Randomize
