It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
I think I just sharted jello shots
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
