dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize
