He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Randomize
