I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Randomize