the condom got lost in my hair
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
