the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
nutella sex= disaster
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
