We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
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