drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
He shit in the fireplace
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Randomize
