there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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