you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
