Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
