We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
