Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
