YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
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