when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I pour the whiskey from now on
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
