I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
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