i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
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