HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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