Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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