I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
