I wish I could punch you in the face.
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Randomize
