I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize