Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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