You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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