so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
of course. lets lasso hookers.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
