I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Randomize
