And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Randomize