I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
