Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
