The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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