I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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