"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
