after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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