Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
