Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
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