I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize