Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I AM VODKA MAN
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
