the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
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