just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
