The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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