How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
