oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize