the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Randomize
