Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
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