Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
She needs sedatives and a leash
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Randomize
