this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
