Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize