No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
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