I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
