Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
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