I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
We're too hungover to prance.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Randomize
