i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Randomize
