I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
Michael Bay diarrhea
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
