WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
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