Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
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