fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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