sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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