I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
