One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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