So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
