we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
