the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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