Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
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