Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
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