I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Randomize
