she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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