does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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