Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
