So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize