Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
