Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Randomize