Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
His nipple licking is glorious
Randomize
